Book Review: I DON’T THINK OF YOU (UNTIL I DO) by Tatiana Ryckman

I Don’t Think of You (Until I Do)
by Tatiana Ryckman
 Future Tense Books, 2017

Reviewed by Kelly Dasta

I Don’t Think of You (Until I Do) by Tatiana Ryckman is a poetic novella about love, heartbreak, and distance. Over a short but powerful 110 pages, Ryckman details a gender ambiguous narrator’s struggles in a long-distance relationship. Striking imagery and metaphors construct the longing the narrator feels when away from their love. They see their partner in every object and conjure an ideal of them to fill the empty place in their heart. Even in the fleeting moments the couple is together, the narrator is unsatisfied because of their struggle to reconcile the idealized version and the real version of their partner. This novella forces the reader to feel the compulsion and allure of a cyclical and often miserable relationship.

The first thing that struck me about this book was the language. It’s a novella, but it almost reads like a poetry collection with a non-linear plot and short blocks of text artfully arranged on each page. In a way, it reminded me of Rupi Kaur’s Milk and Honey; the author strikes strong emotional chords with short blocks of text. To achieve this emotional affect, Ryckman carefully arranges her words to put the reader in the head of the narrator: “Alone in bed, I’d say, I’m dying, over and over again. But nothing happened. My cells rearranged at the same rate.” This line exemplifies the common dilemma of existing despite feeling like reality is crumbling around you. To further connect with the reader, the ambiguity of the characters allows anyone into the story. At one point the narrator speaks of their love: “I hadn’t thought of you as The Other, only as The. As Me.” Without gendered pronouns, this line shows only the reaction one feels when they are deeply connected with someone. Through her language, Ryckman recognizes the complex and deeply human feelings of infatuation.

Along with strong language, I Don’t Think of You (Until I Do) delivers a powerful message about what it means to love someone. So many times, long distance or not, people find themselves idealizing others, such as when the narrator is laying in their bed at night: “Your turned head faded when I watched my memory too closely, your lips disappearing from my wrist when I thought I had felt them.” It’s passages such as this that depict the construction of a fantasy to fill the holes around a fleeting memory. Because of their tendency to fantasize, we get the sense that the narrator is never truly happy. Ryckman speaks to the complexity of human relationships, which is more nuanced than a traditional love story where the couple lives happily ever after. With this distance and romanticism, comes an accurate depiction of modern love. The narrator mentions many times “the impossibility of a relationship neither of us were willing to give up anything for,” which speaks on how people put their job before love, but at what cost? The narrator doesn’t even seem connected to their job, rarely mentioning it despite that it keeps them from their partner. It’s in the tangle of idealization and unhappiness, that Ryckman successfully depicts the difficulties of a long-distance relationship.

I Don’t Think of You (Until I Do) is a brief but insightful read, perfect for a rainy Saturday or your morning commute. It’s original, written with its own poetic style, working to draw the reader in through emotions rather than plot. The content is relatable, heartfelt, and oozing with intricacy. Ryckman made me reflect on my own love life and the love lives of others. And that’s what a good story should do: force you to look at the hard truths in life through empathy.


Book Review: ALL THE NEWS I NEED by Joan Frank

All the News I Need
by Joan Frank
UMass Press, 2017

Reviewed by Casey Reiland

The fear of aging is a common concern; our society stresses over it and the media highlights it as a negative process. Finding wrinkles and gray hair is a disastrous discovery, and there is always the worry of becoming too static. This cycle of life is natural, so why is growing older perceived as something to be ashamed of?

Joan Franks’ newest novel, All the News I Need, confronts this question by suggesting that these concerns have become too normalized and prevent people from believing fulfillment can be achieved after a certain age. Through the development of conflicting characters and the raw, poetic language, Frank captures the anxieties of aging and prods the issue from every angle until there is a satisfying acceptance, until readers peacefully come to terms with the ever-tugging of time and moves on.

The book centers on Ollie and Fran, two lonely people in their mid-sixties attempting to maintain a friendship while simultaneously engaging with and finally facing their vulnerability. Fran is an outgoing, indiscreet widow, while Ollie is a reserved and self-conscious gay man who has recently lost a lover. The clash of Fran’s and Ollie’s personalities is comical and endearing. The two of them create a list called, “The Rules of Aging,” a set of promises to ensure they will not act bitter towards the youth or allow themselves to grow careless with their looks, Ollie revealing his nervousness about having “strange body odor” and the two of them banning the phrase, You kids get off my lawn! from ever leaving their lips. Their banter is witty and blunt, keeping the reader grounded by the candid voices of the characters.

The language of this novel also forces the reader to be as rooted in the story as the characters themselves. The sentences are short and crisp, yet they are packed with images that heighten the reader’s senses. While Ollie and Fran hike through the mountains near their homes in San Francisco, the narrator illustrates the scene around them, describing, “Afternoon air like cream up here, sky a secret, shy blue as if surprised to find itself naked so soon.” The portrait feels almost like a flowery stanza: gorgeous and concise. Yet, the diction juxtaposes the concealed turmoil of the characters that they fail to vocalize. Frank depicts Ollie and Fran’s interactions to be relaxed and smooth, but there is also a restraint in their conversations, their true desires and terrors only appearing they are alone with their thoughts. The tension builds as each chapter switches between the two different voices of the characters, the shifts unsettling and highlighting anxiousness.

When Fran suggests that they travel to France together as a way to escape their mundane lives and to hopefully boost Ollie’s confidence, the easily identifiable trope of self-discovery begins to raise its head. Yet, Frank veers away from this easy trope by challenging the characters to push up against their flaws and scrutinize their insecurities. Fran admits that she feels isolated and struggles to connect with people, and Ollie can only see his fragility mirrored in the bleakness of the cities they visit. This cumulation of frustrating moments leads to a fight in the middle of a street where Frank is unapologetic with her characters, her words undressing their doubts about sex, self-acceptance, and mortality until they are naked and quivering in front of one another. Even when Ollie and Fran return home there is no promise that they will change, Frank exemplifying the universal struggles that humans face when it comes to admitting mistakes and weaknesses.

The rocks that Frank throws at her characters are large and brutal, but they force Ollie and Fran to reexamine their previous scars and repair themselves. This novel does not coddle its characters. It does not suggest that chasing an Eat Pray Love moment during hardships will bring gratification or happiness, rather, it emphasizes that the only way people can change is if they look internally and analyze their shame and fears. Age does not define our perseverance or stubbornness, it is our thirst for a fulfilling life that does. All the News I Need invites readers and characters alike to not mourn the loss of youth, but to find that sense of joy and juvenescence in others around them, encouraging people to modify their lives for the better and to thrive in their existence no matter the bleakness of circumstances.